Today recap:
- been homesick still in A.M. I have decided to attribute this to the fact that we were leaving our home away frmo home away from home to return to our home away from home at the training site. So I was thinking some that I would much rather return to my real family, not my host family. This is how I have explained this. I also think I've been feeling so much pressure from myself and what I perceive to be the expectations of others about being top notch at Zarma and really excelling in my village. These pressures can weigh pretty heavily and they sometimes make me feel not quite loose. In some ways these are good becauase I think people see me doing well therefore expect me to be doing well, but it can be tough too. Also, perhaps also was bothering me is lack of safe space. Ate the meals in public. Live in someone's concession. Don't feel like I often (ever) get to really let my guard down or give up trying to be my best self. This is of course impossible so when I falter a little bit (e.g. not engaging people as much as normal), it's obvious to me and I feel badly about it.
- had two egg sandwiches and two juices boxes for breakfast. That's about as good as it gets anywhere I figure. Felt super guilty for eating two good sized sandwiches. Sometimes kids will watch, maybe wanting some money or food. Other Nigeriens were eating there, too...but I dunno. Maybe feeling some guilt about eating like we would normally is part of the experience. I usually eat quickly and I ate it super faster than usual.
- finally started to snap out of that funk on the bus ride when another volunteer and I started to (re)write a song in Zarma for tomorrow song competition. "My [edit] benches 350, your [edit] couldn't shoplist at Thrifty's". That's enough for those of you in the know on this one to figure it out. Maybe I'll post our lyrics tomorrow.
- was not super pumped to return to host family. procrasintated by buying an orange soda (finally!), but woofed it down because I felt guilty about drinking a soda in front of the crowd that is always kinda around by the shop (since it's right next to the street).
- got a great reception from my host family. was dreading it walking down the street, but before I turned our corner one of my host brothers was there and yelled "Magid" and threw his hands up and ran towards me.
- have been very happy that kids here know my name. Not sure why but no one bloody learned my name in Saboula, which was fine because I didn't really want to talk to anyone...just wanted to study, have the time to myself. But it is nice to walk down the street and see the familiar faces and have people greet me. I imagine this on a larger scale, and this, despite the fact that moving into my village terrifies me, is something to look forward to.
- given a huge pickme up that my host family had bleach they let me take (I was out of bleach and therefore out of clean water to drink...also no stores here sell it (not the impression I was under) and my friend was also low). I really have to get over so much anticipitory anxiety because I worry about returning to the host family...but they are really great to me and most of the time it's great to have the kids around.
- did my laundry (boxers, socks, one pair or paints...everything else will be done for me tomorrow) and decided I'm actually getting better at this. I was super proud to turn my brown socks back into white, for example.
- was totally frustrated and kinda out of it for the conversation with the Jirka (sp?...the Japanese PC) volunteer who stopped by...probably glad to see another annassara after the two weeks we left her here alone. Before, we would talk in French, some Zarma. I have, as I worried, forgotten much FR. At least it's hard for me to construct full thoughts in FR and not broken FR/ Zarma. I would be proud of this expect that I may need FR if I'm working with doctors, with a clinic, etc. etc. so it's not a loss I can just wave off. Very thrown off by this.
- some confusion. I forget what I knew before, but it was not all this: my dad is building another house farther towards the edge of town. Apparently, now it's just about ready and the fam is going to move into it in two weeks. It has electricity since two days ago. Two of the three floors are cememnted, and the latrine has been started. Apparently, they were renting the compound we're in now. The kids took me to the site in the afternoon and I was much confused. Embarrased when baba came back...felt I was trespassing or something. Then, the kids walked me over there to have dinner and I was mad confused and more than a little miffed at the break in routine (so much for clean feet after the shower). But, it was super awesome. Baba and I ate with his two cousins who are living in the house while they help finish it. They were impressed, or so they said, with my Zarma. I think, I tried to clarify but I'm not sure, baba was saying one of the last volunteers they hosted did not wani (to be able to do something) Zarma well. I talked about lang immersion a little, relayed the anecdote of going to the Fulani kwaara with the kids who had never seen a white person just staring (I used the very to look, don't know to stare...I demonstated though), recounted during Chimsi (Tabaski...so Tabaski is the FR word and Chimsi is Zarma. Most of us had never encountered this holiday before, so why give it to us in FR? Just teach us the Hausa/ Zarma and save us the extra step, ya?) when I helped kill the sheep. I got great laughs for this one. I'm getting better at telling it, too. I was able to chime in on some of their conversations, catching enough words here and there to (sometimes) get the topic. I think it has to be a big difference for baba since when I left, and I want to believe he does see a big difference and I'm much better at Zarma now. I felt like "one of the guys", in on my first real Zarma guy conversation, and I'm super pumped about it. Then I the way back, baba was able to get across to me in mostly Zarma with little FR that they rented this place, and I was glad to get that, and said Barka (congrats) since it's a big deal in any country to move from renting to owning.
- gave baba the two packets of cookies I got for them...and then gave away the other packet I was going to save for me so baba could give it to his cousins. Fonda fakaray. Never hurts to give people gifts, I figure.
- hoping there is time tomorrow to help those guys make bricks or something. That would be sweet.
Miserable start to day. Fantastic ending. Will close the book on this day and lang immersion.
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