le 08 janvier

Today

Can't shake bad feeling in A.M. Did not help, today the guy I met at the supervisors conference came knocking at my door and woke me up at 0745. That means I slept for a good long while. Between waking up, running, cals, and breakfast, he and the kids that live next door kept popping in. REALLY drives me crazy when I can't get squared away in the morning. Hate it. Really makes me feel like I have no safe space. Poss this contributes to me feeling uncomfortable. Sometimes I am afraid to make noise in my room, fearing someone will hear, remember I'm here, and want to come over.

Also have yet to find a suitable place for pullups. Major jam.

But this guy is real nice. I tried to invite myself over for dinner, thought it would be good to chat with him. Also worried with oatmeal and pasta...that's only two meals. Cereal will not last. No bread for the nutella and jelly I got. One meal short a day. cecena in afternoon not a full supplement.

Walking around with this guy, we met three guys going to the gardens. Perfect. I hopped on that and went down to the gardens. At first, I felt some awk trying to articulate that I wanted to see and watch and work with them. Felt I was a bit of a bother. They sent me off with the deaf guy. Again, a deaf Zarma speaker is much harder to understand than a regular Zarma speaker. But it was ok. Finally, I settled in with one guy who watered some onions, then tilled some ground to plant some rogo, which I think is cassava for English speakers. The guy and I worked literally side by side, using a kind of shovel/ pickax thing that I think in Zarma has the same word as shovel. Then I watched a guy make a dala, a woven mat/wall thing made of thin little stalks of some plant. It's what is on my shade hangar and what they added to my bathroom so no one can see in.

The gardens are amazing. All along the river, there are gardens, Lots of mango trees, so there is actually shade. The gardens go right up to, and sometimes into the river. The river is at its peak breadth now I am told, and when it recedes, I think they will plant some stuff on the ground the river left. They said guys will sleep under the mango trees in the hot season. Shaded and maybe a breeze still comes off the river. I think it would be so cool to just hang out down there. I want to get my own garden, some of my own space, that I can work. I have a ton of seeds I bought before leaving Hamdy. Not sure if its too late to plant. Also don't know what I'm doing. Decided just to watch for now. (Later a guy, I think, said he is going to give me some garden space?! Freakin awesome!).

So, to water the onions: the onion plots were right up against the river (marked off by sticks and flags so they know how high it will get...I think). They had dug a well by hand a few meters above the gardens. The water table by the river must be mad high. They had also dug a little track for the water to run on, exactly what I had dug for my latrine, except on a much larger scale. So the guy stands in the well (it's wide for a well but not very deep obviously...he's up to his knees...maybe) and uses a "bucket" thing to throw water from the well onto the track. The water just runs downhill in the track to a plot. When they want to water the next plot, they move the "dam". They have put dirt blocking this track or that track so as to control where the water goes. They want to water the next plot, they take a shovel, move the few shovel fulls of dirt in front of the second plot to the first, and the water is successfully diverted. It's like sandcastle making at its finest. I can't believe how simple it is, and how well it works.

Felt real good about morning. Walked up to the ville by myself around 1330. First time I have been walking (not running) alone. Feels fun to "know my way around" enough (it's not that hard to find the ville). Think again how awesome the ville is and how I just need to bloody relax and enjoy it. Standing in the garden with the wind coming off the river....it's just an amazing place to be. So many worries dance in and out of my head. I'm living the dream: farming in rural Africa. Need to chillax.

Also note that I need way less water now than when I first arrived. Partly due to less heat, but I think the body has adapted. I don't carry water with me when I walk around, even for three hours outings in the morning. Don't drink liters and liters when coming back either.

Somone just said salam aleykum and my stomach knotted, worrying they were coming for my concession. False alarm. It's this stress I need to lose.

Major news when I check my phone Two FR nationals kidnapped in Niamey. Whoa. For me, things like this always hit me weird. It actually relaxes me. The danger is too abstract, not real. Unlike people barging into my concession during the day. I am not vicerally afraid. Instead, I feel kinda badass for being involved in a dangerous situation. Moreover, it is entirely out of my hands. What does worry me I realize, is being "consolidated" to our regional capitals or being evacuated from the country. These days are TOUGH, ups and down like crazy, but we MUST endure this first month and three months. Getting pulled out just to have to reenter just makes it more diffult I think (unless we could really hit the Zarma, which would be hard). And being pulled from Niger would be SOO hard. All the Zarma would have been for naught. Three months in...do I restart in a different country? Split from my stage here. Just across the board, that would be sooo hard.

Again, the possibility of the other reinforces that this is good. Thinking about getting pulled actually gives me some joy in being here. I was given lemons by a guy in the garden. I decide to make lemonade for my neighbors. We cut up all ten little lemons (and our fingers a little) and add a full waranka (100 CFA) bag of sugar...and if I do say so myself it's damn good lemonade. I drink a small cup, give a bunch to the fam, then take some to some important people in town. Feel very good about this.

More progress on the room. Feel things are getting set up. Getting pulled would really suck. Get a text later from an older PCV, says possibility of consolidation or evacuation not likely. Good I guess. Back to business. My friend is right though, kidnapping in Niamey does not say much about the safety of the country. "Green zone" ever shrinking. He is also right that being American and Peace Corps and not FR and more wealthy only helps if people know who we are. Every day we are asked if we are FR or American or something.

Some stress in P.M. Tomata paste cans expired and no good. Jam ate two. Now have less to work with when making pasta. Eaten the week's quota of cheese and two weeks worth of cookie/ cracker things and a week or two's worth of cereal. The market better have some good stuff or I will be eating very humbly the last week or two. No bread is a real killer. Then found a mouse running around. Think I chased it out. Have all my food in my metal chest, but had left out the bread the guy brought me and an orange. Threw away my garbage, moved food out. Jam bambata. Maybe I should get a cat? Worried about dinner...again. Not sure if the guy understood me inviting myself over. Again I'm nervous eating. I'm eating and I hear him coming...fuck. But he greets me only. This time misunderstanding works in my favor. I can relax. No more distubances (I think tonight). Day done.

Oh, yesterday was the first day I spoke no English. Texted, typed, thought, and wrote Eng, but did not speak it (unless one dude offered a few broken Eng greetings). Today had some Eng phone convos so streak broken. Felt better about zarma today. Some smaller convos help me understand. Still feel I'm not really learning new vocab or grammar. Less than a handful of new words.

So much to absorb, I don't know how to do it. I have my pocket notebook, but I don't want to be stopping every second to write something down. Do I record all the details of the garden work? Do I write down EVERY word I don't understand? Should I study these every night? Just want to say screw all the extra stuff and just live it, but I think for me I could reap huge benifits from organizing everything an hour or so every day. Maybe I should be doing that instead of blogging.

Tomorrow maybe I will visit people making bricks. Need to go back to the clinic. Maybe I should start obseving there twice a week? Feel it is less dynamic than in gardens, around town. Two major things to do with room: paint blackboard wall and clean floor so I can put down the rug. These will have my room functionally set, if not completely done. Not sure if I want to fill in all the holes on the wall before paitning. Embarrassed to ask for materials (the brick material would work I think) and kinda don't want to take the extra step. Settling into routine some. I hope I can handle it. Lots of time on feet. A soft tissue injury would be such a slap in the face.